Since I really have no one to turn to in real life (and I most certainly have no plans of ending my life prematurely), I’m just writing to try and dissipate all the headache and problems life brings me right now. By the way, I can’t turn to my parents because my parents (at least my dad) is a source of the predicament I am in right now – he’s the one who wants me to be in a course I’m not really good at or care much about, and it is a failed dream of his that became the phantasm that haunts me in my daily life. He’s the one who wants me to be a doctor, and I’ve remained indecisive until it was too late because I was ingenuously afraid that I would kill him if I shifted to a course that I liked. Now it’s too late, and I have no one to talk things over to – my friends have their own problems, perhaps worse than mine, so I’m talking to this blog and whoever reads it – most probably no one.
Since people have complained about writing my misgivings on life and living in general with my anime blog, I’ve made a new one all my own that deals with my own problems. Though it probably won’t get the readership that my anime blog has (and that has only a few, I guess), I think it’s better and healing for me to pour my heart out instead of keeping it to myself. I’m a good keeper of secrets but not of vitriolic feelings.
What’s worse is that no one has even cared to comment on a post I’ve made that I’ve given a lot of effort in writing except a countryman of mine who may have had more pity than genuine desire to comment on that post. I’m not a comment whore despite what some people say, though I would appreciate if people read my posts and commented on it, most especially on those posts that I’ve poured my heart into – those two posts before my most recent one. Well, there are just some days like this where nothing goes well. To exacerbate these stacking predicaments of mine, I had a D with a subject, and a grade average that’s very low (to my parents and peers) because people think I’m a fucking genius. (I say this with no intent of malice or insolence: it’s just what I feel and think.)
Although anime in my life is something inextricable and something admixed with my psyche, these problems that plague me right now are in my opinion just too much that I can’t even write anything about one of my favorite media.
That’s all for now – if you’ve read up to here, thank you very much.
girishaotaku said,
November 7, 2006 @ 5:04 am
I think it was a nice decision to make a separate personal blog. The anime community is just not the right place to write things like that. I liked your ‘emo’ posts, so I’ll follow this blog ^^
meganeshounen said,
November 7, 2006 @ 8:26 pm
A personal outlet for your emotions eh? Well, I guess it does merit its own blog if it will make you feel better. It’s better than being an emotional wreck waiting to happen.
And you know as well as me that being an emotional wreck at this time, and at our country that it’s not a very bright idea…
>>…except a countryman of mine who may have had more pity than genuine desire to comment on that post…
Ouch. Got me in the heart there.
Michael said,
November 7, 2006 @ 8:37 pm
I love you, Will.
meganeshounen said,
November 7, 2006 @ 8:55 pm
Uhh…. yeah. In a non-erotic way right? *sweatdrop*
And aren’t we supposed to hide our real names in public?
Oh, it’s already out? Oh shi-
Michael said,
November 7, 2006 @ 8:56 pm
BUTTSECHS.
OF COURSE IT’S IN A NON-EROTIC WAY. OR IS IT?
*sound of thunder*
OH SHI-
Ryan A said,
November 8, 2006 @ 1:14 am
Reading this spawned an idea. Not everyone likes to leave comments, but at the end of posts there could be a link to leave comment or mark as read. I know I read things, but don’t always leave comments, and sometimes I have nothing to say but I’d like the author to at least know someone read what they wrote.
Anyway. I can identify with your perdicament on various levels. Keeping a blog is a good idea. I’ve had personal blogs for quite a while, and finally decided to branch off with an anime blog. (personal blog -> ichasemyshadow.livejournal)
*presses the imaginary ‘Read’ link*
aef said,
November 13, 2006 @ 12:26 am
It’s rare to find someone who actually reads Dostoyevsky and watches anime, so I was glad to find someone w/ interests similar to my own. Maybe you should consider studying a subject you like, despite what your parents think (if that’s still possible). I know it can be hard to defy your parents (mine cried and yelled at me when I did what I wanted – dropped out of the first college I went to and moved 1k miles away). At least for me, it was worth it. I’ve studied subjects I didn’t like b/f and it blows. I eventually majored in whatever I could get by taking all of the classes I wanted, and then my grades improved, and, perhaps more importantly, I was able to read decent books and get credit for it.